Monolog

Suddenly I want to talk to myself. Its more like a question for me. Siyesly, I need major revamping my iman. Okay zafirah, what is your purposes of life? Are u sincerely submit yourself to Allah? Are you doing what He told you do? Wake up! Just wake up from all of these false hope! What have you done to gain His Blessing? Are you always remember(zikr) Him? Do you show or feel gratitude with all of His nikmat? Do you? Do you?

Is you Iman is strong right now? Let say, if you die this second or this very moment, which side will you be? Heaven or Hell? You say you want to be in Heaven, to gain Allah's Pleasure.. Yet, what are the things you do? Please, don't just talk, but walk the talk! Remember, this life is just a dream. A DREAM. Don't fall for it..

Are you a good daughter? do you always pray for your parents? How bout your siblings? Your brother & sister? How could you live in happiness while there's another part of the world which your brother are facing war, losing their beloved ones and many more? 

Frankly speaking, what you did is not enough! Your Iman is not consistence. You watch maksiat everyday. Besides, you do zina(zina hati, mata dll) everyday! You don't preserve yourself like Islam told to. You talk to guy who is not your husband. PS: Bare in mind that you don't belong to anybody except Allah. Don't give you heart to someone and forget about Allah. ASTAGHFIRULLAH!!! I need to prserve my heart.. ;( Maybe you don't know where you stand, but to compared to other muslims in this world since prophet Adam, you just ordinary muslim. Muslim who has weak Iman. Who does not totally submit themselves to Allah..

Astaghfirullahalazim.. O Allah, please show me your hidayah. Your Nur. Help me to cleanse my heart and nurture me with strong Iman. Please, please, get me away from MAKSIAT and things that make me away from you. Don't let the syaitan lie to me with all the false hope and things that led me to zina. I want to die as a someone who gained your Blessing. as the 'golongan kanan'. I know, with my deed and sins, It still not enough. So, give me chances and hidayah so I can improve myself. You know what is best for me. Thus, only to You I depend on too. Subhanallah. From Allah who created me, and to Allah I shall return..

* With tonnes of regrets, " I need to IMPROVE my Iman.."